Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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