I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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