Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
