better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
