when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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