there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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