trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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