He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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