Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
