Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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