I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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