im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
