there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
