I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
