and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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