Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
