you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
