You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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