THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
