is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
