Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
