I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
