the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
