I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
