I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
