Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
