i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
