...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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