Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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