On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't put those talents on a resume
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
