Nicole vs. Life
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
