don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
