420 ftw
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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