Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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