addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
