so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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