porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
