yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
