so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
