you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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