Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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