We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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