if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize