I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
