smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
