And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
BRING THE BAGELS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
