this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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