loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
honey bunches of taint.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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