I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
