im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
