I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize