i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
