Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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