im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
