dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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