So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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