I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
