He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
