how can u be prego again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
