Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
