Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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