does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
