What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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