I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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