so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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