and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
