you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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