I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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