Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
