A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
